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The Definitive Guide to Strip Clubs

 

Are you a strip club virgin? Or perhaps you have gone a few times and just not enjoyed yourself as much as you should. For those who need to pop that pole dancing cherry, what the hell are you waiting for? For those who didn't enjoy themselves that much,it might be because you didn't prepare properly to ensure maximum enjoyment of the situation.

No worries, the crack staff at Manwall got together to write a guide on having fun at the strip club. You figure after all the "lunch meetings" we hold there that a few good ideas would pop up, right?

Manwall's Guide to Strip Clubbing like a Boss

Step #1 - Dress Appropriately

·       You don't need to dress up for a strip club. Maybe you think wearing a nice work suit makes you look good to those girls but who cares? You aren't trying to impress them. No the goal is to be relaxed, have fun, and ensure that you get the most out of any body contact she might give you. So what should you wear? Casual and comfortable is the way to go. Loose pants are a must because when you pop wood it needs room to roam! Also a semi-tight thin shirt is recommended to you can really feel her nipples rub across your body. Boxers, boxer-briefs, or pure commando is also a necessity. If you are married then wear your ring, they can see the mark otherwise and that makes you a mark.

Step #2 - Groom Yourself

·       Shave your face nice and smooth. If you shave your head then make sure it is nice and smooth as well. The ladies enjoy rubbing themselves on your face and head and won't do it more than once if you are scratchy. If you wear glasses then switch to contacts. Otherwise make sure to bring some wipes to keep those lenses clean.

Step #3 - Swing by the Bank

·       Never go to the club without your money figured out. ATMs in clubs are a huge rip-off with extra service charges because horney guys are idiots. Bring money for the cover charge and drinks in bigger bills like 10's and 20's but then make sure you have a nice fat stack of 1's to pay the entertainment. This ensures you don't spend too much and can keep feeding her as long as you want. Only bring in the club what you are willing to spend in the club - cardinal rule!

Step #4 - Arrange Your Money

·       Put your bigger bills for drinks and the cover charge in one pocket and your singles in another. Only pay girls with singles. Don't ever let them see bigger bills or they will wiggle that money out of your pocket faster than you can say 'cha-ching'. When girls are dancing and you are going to pay them have some money out. Don't constantly fumble around for it.

Step #5 - Pop a Blue Pill

·       This might sound silly, but hear me out. When you hit the club and you see some tasty women why not pop a Viagra? The ultimate goal is to pick a hot girl to take you into the backroom and give you a lap dance anyway, right? She might as well have a nice fat pole waiting for her. Plus, some of these girls take pride in how fast they can satisfy a man in his pants so make her work for it! Who knows, make she will take that challenge really seriously and go the extra mile...

Step #6 - No Boozing

·       If you want to get drunk then go hit a dive bar. You are at a strip club. This is where you enjoy the sights of scantily clad ladies gyrating for your pleasure. A cocktail or two is acceptable as long as it doesn't impair your judgment, cause you to 'fall in love' with a stripper, or give you whiskey-dick. What's the point of having a girl grind on you if you are too drunk to feel it? If you like having a drink in hand just order a soda or water to stay hydrated. Also never eat food at a club. Yuck.

Step #7 - Avoid Eye Contact

·       You can stare at her ass, her boobs, her legs, and pretty much anything else. But DO NOT stare at her eyes. If you get all moony-eyed then she might think you are "falling in love" and while that will get you a lot of attention it also means she will be looking for your wallet more than your dick when she is grinding on your lap.

Step #8 - Location Location Location

·       Where you sit usually denotes what you will do and how you will spend your money. If you are at the stage then prepare to pay all the girls on stage regularly with your singles. If you sit back further expect to get lots of girls making the rounds for lap dances.

Step #9 Lapdances

·       Be careful here, strippers have more high pressure sales ability than any used car salesman. Never, ever take the first offer for a lap dance. Usually girls start high at the beginning of the night looking for new meat who don't know the rates. As the night goes on, girls who haven't made as much money can drop rates down. Also be patient and look for the girl who really does it for you before you blow $40 for 10 minutes of bounce and tickle.

Step #10 - It's All Business

·       Always remember that no matter what these girls say or do, they are working. It is their job to use those hot bodies to grind money out of your pocket into their hands. Have a good time, let them stroke your ego and other parts, but always remember that she isn't falling in love with you so don't spend more having fun than you planned on. Whenever a girl is interacting with you remember to ask yourself, "How much is this going to cost me?" You are there to have fun, sample a lot of girls, and possibly go home to give yourself a low five.