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Signs Your Girlfriend is a Psycho

Sadly they don’t just include that little blurb on a business card and it is not one of the regular Facebook ‘statuses’. The thing about psychos is that they are good at hiding the crazy from us until after we are invested a bit with them. For whatever reason, signs seem to only manifest after they know where we live and have met some of our friends.

But just because you can’t see the obvious signs, mainly because your eyes are focused firmly on her rack, doesn’t mean they aren’t there for the rest of the guys to see. At some point you might hear one of your boys mutter, “Crazy bitch,” under his breath and you will realize he is talking about your girl. Is it possible that you have been so focused on hitting a home run with this freak that you missed all of the obvious signs that everyone else has seen?

Probably dude, the crazy ones always seem to be the hottest. So let’s look at the signs…

Signs she is nuttier than a squirrel turd under an oak tree:

Facebook Stalking – Does she ‘like’ your posts within 30 seconds of you posting? Do you get a text that says, “Oh I love that song!” whenever you turn on Spotify or IHeartRadio and the status shows up on your Timeline? Does she spend more time looking at your Facebook page than you spend looking at porn? She might be a psycho…

Compulsive Behavior – How many texts and phone calls have to go unanswered before she is waiting for you on your doorstep? Does she call at 3 a.m. each night just to make sure you are tucked into bed? Does she do anything over and over that you would slap a Bro if they did it more than twice? She might be a psycho…

Would be in Jail – Has this girl done crazy stuff that would land any guy in jail? Things would include violent acts, assault, crazy drunkenness, petty theft, or vandalism. Is the reason she isn’t in jail directly proportional to her being really hot and just a little wild sometimes so a cop would let her off with a warning? She might be a psycho…

Overly Needy – People need people. But…does she freak out if you even try to go take a crap alone? Do you get a text while you are dropping the deuce that she misses you? How many isles away can you wander in a store before she runs over and gives you a hug because she missed you? She might be a psycho…

Jealous Beyond Belief – If you look at any type of female form are you rewarded with a passive/aggressive response? Does she fly into a rage about, “I suppose you like her better than me because she is prettier than I am?” if you even think about talking to a girl? Have you slowly lost contact with any females in your life? She might be a psycho…

No Female Friends – Are all her friends dudes who you assume really just want to bang her? Does she not have any real female friends? Are most of the other people in her datebook ex-boyfriends? She might be a psycho…

Crazy Eyes – Has any of your Bro’s ever mentioned he saw her flash, “those crazy eyes,”? Usually you don’t see them until she unleashes the crazy, but sometimes her guard will slip when she thinks nobody is looking. She might…no correct that…she IS a psycho.

Last but not least, if she has any restraining orders against her from old boyfriends, that bitch is crazy. Stop reading and get the hell out of there bro! Change your address and phone number stat and hopefully she never learned where you worked. I would tell you more but if she reads this then her crazy ass might come after me next for breaking you two up. Good luck bro!