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How To Avoid an Awkward Elevator Ride

Let’s face it, there’s no such thing as an elevator ride that’s NOT awkward. Why is something that is so convenient also so weird that you have to experience? Maybe you’re dreading a day of work and don’t want to be bothered or the smelly man walked in with you and now you’re stuck right next to them. Maybe the secretary who’s obsessed with you is going to ask you an annoying question in attempt to start a conversation. Whatever it may be, you never know what’s going to happen when you’re in an elevator.

 

I experienced my first awkward elevator ride when I was interning in New York City. I went into work the Monday after Superbowl (how convenient for a hung-over college kid) and thought I was going to take the elevator ride by myself. This seemed perfect; I looked like crap and was not in the mood to be around anyone. Just as the door was closing a girl held the door open and joined me. When the door shut I looked up and noticed that I was standing next to Brooklyn Decker, looking sexy as always. Yes, I was alone in an elevator with Brooklyn Decker, every man’s fantasy is about to come true. Don’t think so.

 

To be honest I had no clue what to do or say and my hands got real clammy real fast. When she turned her head to look at me she caught me staring at her. I don’t know what my face looked like but by the looks of hers I know it was far from good. I still can’t believe what happened that day because I consider myself the least awkward guy to be around and this time I was battin’ 1,000. I ended up laughing nervously to myself and didn’t say a word.  As soon as the elevator doors opened I rushed out and did a weird walk-jog combo. Immediately telling myself, “You blew it!!!”

 

You’re not always going to run into someone like Brooklyn Decker but you should know how to avoid an awkward elevator ride. Here are some tips.

 

1. If someone looks at you, smile and say hello - that’s it. Avoid small talk.

2. Don’t push the floor button at the same time as someone else. So awkward.

3. Never stand with your back against the door facing everyone. You’re not on stage.

4. Don’t ask someone a question. You know what time it is so what else can you possibly ask?

5. Don’t give people reasons to ask you a question.

 

6. Don’t pretend to text. You have definitely done this before.

7. Don’t smile on Mondays. The weekend is over bro.

8. Don’t ignore someone if they say hi. No need to be a dick.

9. Don’t look at a girl’s boobs, especially when they’re talking to you.

 

10. Don’t laugh to yourself. Unless you plan on telling everyone what’s so funny.

11. Don’t say things like “see you tomorrow” or “see you after work.” Like the guy in class you said you would chill with - but never did.

12. No sex in the elevator. Only on weekends!

13. Don’t where a super hero costume to work. It’s not Halloween..yet.

 

14. Don’t sing along to the elevator music. No humming or tapping either.

15. Don’t frown on Fridays. The weekend is here bro.

16. Don’t fart. Clench the cheeks and hope for the best.

17. Don’t admit to farting. It wasn’t me!

 

Have any other tips? Feel free to share them in the comment section!