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Communicating with your Girl

What is the biggest reason relationships fail? Bad communication. The thing about communication is that it involves two people. One person can be awesome at it, but if the other person sucks then there will be problems.

Think I am wrong? Look at any relationship you have had that failed. Or you can even look at a good relationship and think about the problem points. Sure, there will be some things that might not fall into the communication category, but most things do.

She cheated on me - She sucked at communication and couldn't tell you what you were doing wrong that left her unhappy and wanting something else. You sucked at communication and didn't understand that she wasn't happy. This example can work for you cheating on her.

Look at every other problem. They could all be better with good communication.

What is Good Communication?

It all starts with honesty. You need to be able to lay it all on the table with the other person. Then they need to be able to do the same with you. But this is incredibly hard to do. We are taught from an early age to hold back and not say everything because we don't want to hurt feelings or are just afraid of what will happen. But think of all the problems that could be worked past if you both trusted each other enough to share how you really feel?

Imagine if this conversation actually happened -

·       Her - Hey tonight I told my friends that we would meet them for dinner and then go to a club.

·       Him - I really don't want to do that. I just don't get along that well with them and I would rather do something else more interesting and fun like watch TV or hang with my own friends.

·       Her - Well they are my friends and I don't want to force you to go, but I like being with you and it makes me feel lonely and insecure when you don't want to be with me.

·       Him - Well I do care about you and I will go and try my best to have fun, but I am doing it for you. Also I am hoping this good deed will mean I will get sex later.

·       Her - I really appreciate that you are going to try and if you get a few glasses of wine in me and aren't a jerk then you are definitely getting laid.

·       Him - Awesome, now I have a solid goal to focus on for the night. Let's go tear it up!

How much better would that be over what usually happens when we sulk or complain and then bring the night down? She gets frustrated with us and then holds out sex and everyone goes to be mad. Yes this is a rather specific example but imagine the possibilities! But it takes both people learning how to be honest instead of playing games or trying different ways to manipulate the other person. So give it a try in your relationship. Don't say things that are hurtful and mean but just be honest about what you want, expect, and hope for.