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Bro Guide: 10 Signs that you're a pussy

The emasculation of man is upon us! Much more so than during the dreaded "metro-sexual" days...guys are being turned into pussies left and right. Think about it. I am sure you can easily name a few male friends who have lost their testicles sometime in the past few years. Not sure? Well don't worry, that is why we created the Bro Guide that covers the 10 Signs that you're a pussy.

Of course since we are here to help, we have also included some important information on how to "unpussify" yourself or someone you know. Make sure to add that important new word, unpussify, to your Bro Dictionary.

10 Signs that you're a pussy

A quick disclaimer: being an arrogant ass, insufferable prick, gun-toting hillbilly, or similar type of guy does not ensure you aren't a pussy. When we say manly it doesn't mean that you can down a bottle of jack and then go kill a bear with just a Swiss army knife (although that would be fucking epic). The idea of manliness is more of a classic look at traditional qualities of men such as being brave, strong, and other qualities traditionally attributed to a man.

Onto the signs!

1.     You won't go to a strip club - I don't care what the reason is...you are a pussy and someone obviously has your nuts in a jar on the shelf. There is no good reason to not go to a strip club other than the rare life events like the birth of your child or your actual wedding (in which case you were at the strip club the night before so it's all good).

2.     Not going out on the weekend - The week is for work, the weekend is for life! Embrace it while you can before you are married with kids and other responsibilities. You don't have to go out every night but if you don't even go out once because "your girlfriend wants to stay in," then you might as well sew a giant "P" to your chest.

3.     Shopping at the mall - People still do this? Not only can you buy everything online, but if men need to shop we go into one store, buy what we need, and leave. There are plenty of great stores out there with a lot to offer fashion-wise but the best ones are not found in the mall. There is no reason to grab your Bro's and hit the mall to check the latest styles.

4.     Taking a selfie - What is a selfie? According to the Book of Bro it is taking a picture of oneself in an attempt to try and impress someone (usually a chick) using a smartphone while posing in some manner that you hope makes you look cool. The simple fact is that you are by yourself staging the situation rather than actually doing something that a person thought was cool enough to take a photo of. If you don't think taking a selfie makes you a pussy then ask yourself this, would The World's Most Interesting Man ever take a selfie?

5.     Asking permission - There is a difference between being polite and having to ask for permission. Here is an example: I'm going to get a beer with the guys, would you like to come? Here is being a pussy: Can I go out with the guys for a beer?

6.     Dressing badly - If a) your girlfriend or wife dresses you or b) your dress like a Hipster or following any other ridiculous fad then you are a giant, gaping vagina. Men can dress well, stylishly and with flair but it should be done in a manly way. Yes I am sure that salmon colored shirt does match your eyes and those skinny jeans really do accentuate your ankles which would be wonderful if you had tits and a second X-chromosome to go with your va-jay-jay.

7.     Having joint accounts - We are not talking about bank accounts. If you have a joint email, Facebook, or other accounts it means you are a pussy because your girlfriend or wife feels the need to monitor your actions. 

8.     Being a food snob - Really? Oh you won't eat that because it is not the type of brie cheese you prefer? Did you just ask them to hold the bacon on your order? Men eat what they want, when they want and how they want. Men also eat whatever is available when they are hungry because we can stomach anything.

9.     Hiring people - Manly men are known for being able to fix shit whether it is changing the oil in the car to replacing a blown outlet in the kitchen. If you hire people to do everything for you rather than getting out your tools and doing it yourself then you are a pussy. This goes double if you actually read the instructions for anything you buy that needs to be assembled.

10.  You have to ask - If you actually have to ask if you are a pussy then you probably are a pussy. Real men know it.

So what can you do if you read this guide about 10 signs that you're a pussy and realize you are in fact a pussy? First you need to find some positive male role models. Think about Sean Connery, Jason Statham, Teddy Roosevelt, Gary Cooper, John Wayne, Ernest Hemmingway, or Frank Sinatra. Next it is a matter of following their good examples and learning the ageless principles of manliness which are characteristics that have spanned generations and cultures. Oh...and stop doing things on this list.