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Bro Guide to Getting Laid on New Year's Eve

If you can't get laid on New Year's then there might be something slightly wrong with you. Seriously, even the ugliest, limp-dicked bro with no game should be able to get his pole waxed when the ball drops. Still concerned? Well don't be. After you read our guide to getting laid on New Year's Eve it will all make sense.

After all...nobody wants to be alone on New Year's Eve.

Why New Year's Eve is Magical

Okay maybe magical isn't the right word, but yet...it is. You see on New Year's Eve something special happens for a lot of women. Some girls realize that the entire last year has been a complete and total fucking waste and to ensure that all 365 days aren't a complete loss they need to make a change by having wild, wanton sex with the first stud, or in some cases random guy, they can find.

Other girls are ready to celebrate a year of hard work and accomplishment and as a reward they get to suck down booze and YOLO the night away getting pounded by some random dude.

You see, New Years Eve is one of the few "magical" nights where it is completely acceptable for a woman to be a slut, along with Halloween and Fourth of July (cause... 'Merica). Seriously if you don't manage to make out with a few random chicks, get a little dome or a hand job and then later have some partial blackout sex then don't even bother going out.

Getting Laid on NYE

First of all completely embrace that dumbass YOLO phrase. You only live once! Just so we are clear, I hate the fucking phrase. You do only live once idiot and it will be a short life jumping of the third story because, YOLO! But, in the case of NYE the concept of YOLO should be embraced because your goal is to encourage and convince women that "only living once" on this magical night means punching a ticket for two to pound-town.

1.     Have Places to Go - There are tons of parties because it is NYE! Check out the options ahead of time and buy tickets for the most promising locations. Ideally have a group going so you have wingmen. You want a primary spot and a few good backups. Pop the info in your phone and you are all set.

2.     Groom Yourself - A shower, shave and the like are needed. Trim and file the nails, pluck the nose hairs, add some product to the hair, go light on cologne while heavy on deodorant and don't forget to floss. Heck, do a little manscaping while you are at it. Do the little things matter? Sometimes they do, so better safe than sorry which could equal playing hand jive by yourself at the end of the night.

3.     Dress Up - You want to stand out as much as possible, but in a good way. It is always better to be looked over rather than overlooked and dressing up is an important key. First of all, dress nice. Wear some decent clothes and then accessorize with things like funky necklaces, rings and bracelets. Maybe find a cool blazer and a hat. If you aren't sure, basically try and dress like Johnny Depp. You can paint your face, wear glow in the dark stuff and even add a cool walking stick if you can. The bottom line is to look good, look cool, and don't look like a tool.

4.     Approach Women - This is seriously the one night where you can get away with approaching anyone. People are expecting to be social and are looking to have fun which is why they are out. The only women you shouldn't approach are those with wedding rings, guys on their arms, or a look that could curdle milk.

5.     Give Her a Hug - Seriously this is the best day of the year. Just walk up to a woman and say, "Happy New Year!" and put your arms out for the hug. A lot of girls will give you the hug and not only have you approached, but you have also broken the touch barrier.

6.     Drink and Chat - Always keep the liquor handy and then let the conversation flow. The general rule of the thumb is to start her talking and then attentively listen. Whenever the conversation slows down get her talking about herself. "Any cool resolutions?" "Did you have a great year?"

7.     Don't Wait to Kiss - A guy who waits until midnight for a first kiss is doomed to fail. Seriously, why the fuck are you waiting that long? If you feel like there is something between the two of you and she is digging you then go for it. YOLO bitches! Here is an easy intro. Be relaxed and ask, "On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of a kisser would you rate yourself?" You should have a slight smile on your face and be looking her in the eyes when you start talking then when you say kisser glance at her mouth, then back to the eyes. Normally she will answer, and then just move right in for the kiss. Then, depending on what she said, you can say something like, "Wow, I would rate you a little higher," or "Yup, definitely a 10."

There you go...that's it. Repeat steps 4 through 7 as often as needed, but when you land a solid step 7 and she was fine with kissing you then more than likely she will be fine with doing lots of other things with you. The key from that point on is reading body language, keep working on body contact, and keeping the party going to make sure that you are getting laid on New Year's Eve.