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What to Do if You Suspect Your Wife of Cheating

This is part two of the article about signs that your wife (or significant other) might be cheating on you. If you do suspect her then...

What to Do?

If you are getting the feeling that she is cheating then it is time to play private-eye. Yes, you could confront her but more than likely that will cause a fight, she will get defensive, make you feel stupid for not trusting her, and then she gets more sneaky. Or, if she really isn't doing anything wrong then you look like a dick. It is much easier just to do a little investigative work that is fairly simple.

Step #1 - Audit the books. Go over every transaction over the last month or two. Check for extra charges for lunch, unexplained cash withdraws, etc. Use transactions to make a calendar of events such as lunches on the 10th, 15th, and 22nd. Try and track down receipts for cash payments. Check the credit card statements as well and gas usage. Try and determine if more gas is being used which indicates more driving than normal (compare this month versus the last few months or longer).

Step #2 - Check the phone records. Compare the phone call activity and texting activity with any unexplained lunch events or other things on your calendar. Do a reverse 411 on unknown numbers to you on the cell phone and home phone number. Make a list of people that she could be with.

Step #3 - Check her car for a moved passenger seat and things that seem odd (when she is in the shower is a great time)

Step #4 - Check the browser history, review sent emails (people never seem to delete sent emails), check the trash bin, and even review her Facebook friends. Look for connections of recent FB or email contacts with the phone lists and try and match things up with the calendar timeline.

Step #5 - If it seems like there is solid evidence from the first 4 steps that she is screwing around on you then simply follow her around at some point. Wait until you think she would be meeting someone for lunch or other times (going out at night with friends, etc). You do have to be a bit sneaky to do this (borrow a friend's car, wear a hat, etc). Usually people having an affair or cheating are trying to hookup as much as possible so it can be really easy to lay a trap. For example if you decide to go golfing on Saturday and tell her ahead of time suddenly she knows there is 3 to 4 hours of free time. Heck involve a bro if you want some help playing super sleuth.

Step #6 - If you catch her meeting the guy DO NOT approach. Yes kicking ass and taking names might feel good in the short term but it won't do anything useful. Instead go for the cold, methodical approach. Decide what you want to do with your relationship such as filing for divorce and then do it. Take the high road because there is no excuse she can make for sneaking around on you that will make her look better to friends or family.

Step #7 - If you are going to confront her and file for divorce take a little time for some prep work. Review the laws and rules so you know exactly what you can and cannot legally do. Transfer some money out of joint accounts and into cash, figure out the most embarrassing way to talk to her about it (family gatherings are awesome - unless you have kids), and really take charge of the situation. She may have started this, but you sure as hell are going to finish it!