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Forbes Highest-Paid Celebrities under 30 List Breakdown

Look out Hollywood! Forbes magazine recently released it’s annual ‘Highest-Paid Celebrities under 30.’ Of course Justin Bieber, the whole Twilight cast and a few obvious singers made the top ten list. They love seeing themselves on this just as much as we hate hearing about it.


Why does this ‘list’ create such a buzz in the entertainment world? After it’s released, its impossible not to hear things like, “No way she’s number one!” and “I can’t believe he didn’t make it this year.” Honestly who gives a fuck. Instead of bashing all of these young entertainers, we will complement the ladies for being hot, rich and successful and for the guys? Well just because you’re worth a lot of money doesn’t mean you’re a bro.

Here they are - starting with the ‘least richest.’
(If that makes sense)

 10. Robert Pattinson: $26.5 million - Not bro.

Spoiler Alert: He tied his Twilight co-star Taylor Lautner. Sorry Eddie but your #10 on ManWall’s list! From his cocky attitude to his annoying British accent (not as annoying as Russel Brand but let’s not get into that), it’s easy to see why he is hated by a lot of bros. The only reason why we put up with the Twilight movies is so we don’t get shunned by millions of girls. Yes, he gets to have Vampire sex with Kristen Stewart, but didn’t it take him like four movies to close that deal? That’s not bro.


9. Taylor Lautner: $26.5 million – Sort of bro.

Girls love this kid for being tall, dark, and handsome in the Twilight movies. He’s also jacked which makes him sort of a bro. For a kid that can turn into a wolf, he’s too nice of a person and too much of a pussy on the big screen. Okay, I’ll give him some credit for the movie Abduction, the previews looked good but that’s all I saw. Did anyone see it?


8. Lil Wayne: $27 million – Used to be bro.

Wait, Lil Wayne isn’t 30 yet? He’s actually 29-years-old, just beating the cut-off by a couple months. Thank god he made it into Forbes magazine because we haven’t seen him do anything good for a few years. He will always be known for his great rapping but what’s been great since Tha Carter 3? He used to be a bro so there’s no doubt Wayne will rise again.


7. Kristen Stewart: $34.5 million – Awkwardly hot.

Finally a girl on the list! But unfortunately I have to mention the Twilight movies again. I wonder if she will look sexy as a vampire? Don’t go to the movies to find out, Redbox was made for a reason. If you’ve ever seen her speeches on any award show you know how awkwardly hot Kristen Stewart is.


6. Adele: $35 million – Sexy accent.

There’s a good chance you’ve either sang along with Adele or shut her off the radio. She’s not really eye-candy but every guy can imagine having sex with Adele because of her sexy British voice. Did anyone else know she was British?


5. Katy Perry: $45 million – Beautiful chest.

I knew Katy Perry was special ever since she came out with the song, “I Kissed a Girl.” Thank you for divorcing Russel Brand and showing off your beautiful breasts. Why can’t other people appreciate it?


4. Lady Gaga: $52 million – Hot lesbian?

People say Lady Gaga is our new Madonna. If this is true Lady Gaga will also be making out with other celebs in no time! What she lacks in her your face she makes up for with her smokin’ body and catchy songs.


3. Rihanna: $53 million – Freak in the sheets.

This Barbados beauty definitely knows how to put on a performance not only on stage but also in the bedroom. Rihanna has worked with some of the biggest names in music and she’s not afraid to show off her legs. Thanks for the sexy music videos!


2. Justin Bieber: $55 million – Potential bro (as of now, not bro).

Justin Bieber is a potential bro for three reasons and before I state them let it be known that I hate Justin Bieber - like most guys out there. One, he’s the youngest one on this list and that just says something. Two, he can follow in JT’s footsteps. Remember when Justin Timberlake was in a little boy band named NSYNC? Well after Alpha Dog he became a bro. This will be hard but Bieber might be able to pull it off. Three, he’s bangin’ Selena Gomez.


1. Taylor Swift: $57 million – Marriage material.

Taylor Swift is the perfect girl to bring home to your mom. She’s hot, successful and a country girl. Oh yea, she’s also #1 on Forbes ‘Highest-Paid Celebrities under 30.’ How does that feel Kanye? Congrats Taylor! Now go write a song about it.