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Differences between Men and Women

After going on a bunch of first dates, polling various friends and colleagues, and reading far too many women styled magazines I have come to one serious conclusion; the idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is completely wrong. Those two planets are far too close together compared to guys and girls.

Well duh everyone knows that, right?

Wrong. Everyone says they know and yet men and women still can't communicate worth crap on a regular basis. Groups of women sit around, bitching and moaning about how guys are a pain and they just don't understand them. Groups of men sit around a bar drinking and every once in a while one will mutter, "Women," while shaking his head.

So maybe we can shine a little light on this fact of life in an effort to help one side understand the other? Or at least we can try to....

Men vs. Women

·       The Bathroom - Women go in groups while men go alone. Women sit in stalls next to each other in case they want to talk or need to share toilet paper. Men avoid eye contact and whenever possible pee as far away from another man (because we don't want to splash each other or see other guys' junk). There is a natural etiquette in the men's room. Women pee, talk, make phone calls, do make-up, talk some more, and emerge 20 minutes later. Guys do our business, wash our hands, and get out (because the men's room is not a comfortable spot to chill). What does this all mean? Men view certain things as tasks or jobs and just get it done. Women use any opportunity to chat and have 'girl time'.

·       Purse vs. Wallet - Most women need a handbag of some sort. As they get older, the bag gets larger. It carries more stuff that they can't do without and also can never find. Men have a wallet. When we become dads we get pants and shorts with cargo pockets. What does this all mean? Men are simple and well organized. We also understand you really don't need that much stuff when going to get groceries. The store sells most of it. Women are packrats who seem a bit insecure that they might not have what they need.

·       Throw Pillows - Men like to throw them off the bed because they are in the way when we need to sleep or want to have sex. Women like them because it makes the bed seem girly just like when they lived at home and were called, "Princess" all the time. What does this all mean? Guys grew up on stories about roughing it and have learned to sleep on whatever. Women think they require a lot of comfort to be happy because they have been trained to think that way. That's why when she says sleep on the couch we say, "Okay." It's not really a punishment for us.

·       Jokes - Most women skip crude or gross humor. The girls who don't are the marrying kind! For some reason certain subjects just aren't supposed to be laughed at in front of guys. But a little secret is when it is just the girls they get raunchy as hell. Guys just love a joke no matter what it is about. What does this all mean? Men don't care as much about perception while women want a certain picture of themselves portrayed at certain times.

·       Friends - Women have friends who are guys. Guys are friendly towards women they haven't slept with...yet. What does this all mean? The friend-zone is a female created area where guys she deems are unworthy live. Men will give just about any woman a chance to jump from the friend zone to the girlfriend zone (or sex zone). Obviously we are more open to possibilities that anyone can be the right person if given a chance (or at least right for tonight).

·       Driving - Do we really need to go here? Women can't drive well for the most part. I spent 5 minutes watching a woman pull into a parking spot. There was a ton of space and she was in a lot. Obvious there are some good female drivers as well as some awful male drivers. What does this all mean?  Spatial awareness is something more guys seem to naturally have due to the right/left brain and logic progression. We focus better on the task and can more easily visualize what we are doing.

·       Multitasking - In a quick follow-up to driving; women think they can handle doing 15+ things at once. Men usually make a list of 15 things and do them 1 at a time. What does this all mean? It boils down to logic and time management. Guys realize doing more things at once is less productive (and explains why women run things over while doing make-up or texting while driving). Acting busy trying to do a lot then telling everyone how much you have to do is not really being busy. Men are more goal-focused on getting what we can get done actually done. Women aren't.

·       Technology - Maybe it is logic again but most women have a hard time handling setting the clock on the microwave after a power outage. Sure they can remember the proper shade of lipstick to match nails and clothes but can't remember how to press 'clock set' then punch in the time and press 'start'? What does this all mean? Guys like to know how to do stuff. Women like to have guys around to do stiff for them. Plus if it something they don't think is interesting then they forget it easily.

So really has this helped explain anything? No. Women are just wired differently. But most of you know a few women that act more like men in a few of these categories. If they are available and hot, those are the women you want in your life. Why? Because more their brain thinks like ours, the less time we have to waste explaining why we did something. Plus, they still have boobs which is awesome!