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Bro Rant on Politics

You know what really chaps my hide? Politics! Here we are smack in the middle of summer. Things are going pretty well overall. But now that the primaries are done for the Republicans we get to look forward to some long months of political bitching before the big election in November. That means attack ads and a bunch of idiots on the various news stations like CNN, FOX, and MSNBC blabbing endlessly about pointless issues.

I hate politics. Don't get me wrong, I love America and the government we have here to go with our freedoms. But politics has turned into a bunch of whiney, bitchy men and women who would rather argue and point fingers about why something doesn't work instead of making it work.

For a lot of people that is pretty lazy. After all, these guys are paid their salary from our tax money. It would be nice if they weren't just old, windbags who act like lobbyists.

Wouldn't it be nice if they changed the format?

I think we should go back to a 'College Fraternity' method for solving problems. Elected officials should be required to solve issues by making challenges to others and then backing it up in various contests and feats. You want to add on some crappy verbiage to a law or you won't support it? Sure, but first you have to shotgun beers while riding a tricycle around the track on a hot day. Let's find out what people are really passionate for.

Maybe for political debates we have a few different venues. First they can just answer questions. Next they can box or fight MMA style in a cage. After that they have to run the Ninja Warrior course. We then have the ability to judge our future leaders based on more than how much money they can spend on ads. Then we could get a real feel for what type of person they are when push comes to shove.

Heck we could rank different levels in the political process the same way. Currently we have this thing about age and citizenship being basic requirements. Why not go a step further? We should have physical and mental benchmarks set as well. Shouldn't our leaders be actual alpha-types who are smarter and more physically imposing than a regular Joe Schmoe? While Arnold Schwarzenegger wasn't that great of a governor, you had to admit he was one of the buffest politicians.

We could mix in an NFL combine type situation for candidates where we check their 40 time, see how many reps they do with 185 pounds, and then get a Wonderlick score. Oh sorry, Presidential candidates need to run a sub-7 minute mile and have an IQ of 160. With all of that physical and mental vetting we wouldn't need to worry so much about political ads. Maybe get Chris Berman and the ESPN crew to break down each candidate's strengths and weaknesses for us. We could have an insider interview with John Gruden going over film of how they voted and acted in previous situations.


How likely is any of this to ever happen? It is probably as likely as the Cubs winning the World Series (sorry Cubbie fans). But man, it sure would be awesome. I'll bet a lot more people would watch and care about the political process. It would be like mixing reality TV with sports!